Dedication

December Dilemma

It was December, and I was about to go through a dilemma.

I'm a writer. I'm a musician and an MBTI-enthusiast. I'm also a Christian. My dilemma? “Christian” is the last thing I mentioned.

It was December when it struck me, the lightning of ideas for a blog. Blogging was something I'd always wanted to do, but never had the inspiration for. If no inspiration is an invalid excuse, I'm just plain lazy; I could never stick with blogging. At the time, in December, I was trying to defeat my “Daleks.” This is a little trick I use to make revision even more exciting. I turn my edits all into Daleks to “fight,” for all you cool kids who've watched Doctor Who. I was failing. Maybe because I'd set too high a goal for myself. Maybe because I spent the month sick. Or, maybe it had to do with my internal struggle regarding my writing.

I'll be honest. Writing insecurity is something I've struggled with since the moment I was old enough to know what “insecurity” means. This was both solved and exacerbated when I joined a writing group, through which I gained many friends I now adore. In fact, I almost didn't join because I was insecure about my writing—despite that I was the one that suggested the writing group to my library in the first place. I had literally given up writing for six months, decided it wasn't going to be my “thing” anymore, because I just couldn't seem to write a good story. Bland characters, plot, getting bored, trashing the novel before I'm three chapters in simply because I've lost motivation. I cringe at my past self. The only thing that covinced me to attend was my recommendation for it. I went.

The thrill for writing stories returned like wildfire.

I was filled with ideas. A new story demanded to be written. Every chapter came with extraordinary encouragement from the group.

However, writing also becamealso became dependent on said encouragement.

Don't get me wrong. It's definitely recommended to have encouragement for your story. Writing is a difficult journey for every writer. Margaret Atwood describes writing as “confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass and splintered wood . . . a house in a whirlwind . . . a boat crushed by the icebergs or swept over the rapids, and all aboard powerless to stop it.” This quote alone proves our need for a faithful, honest writing buddy. But. True love for your stories does not come from others.

Love for writing comes from you. However, through this is true, my writing should not be for my own glory—or any other human's.

I was obsessed with impressing my friends. Yes, it's true. You've got me admitting to a truth I hate admitting. I wanted a couple certain friends in particular to read my stories and become enthralled. I wanted them to feel excitement for me, what my insecurities kept me from feeling. But I realized, when I write for people, I'm repeatedly disappointed. It's not only writing for my own pride, but the stories become fake, ingenuine—the very thing I strive against. And it defies God's desire.

In Chariots of Fire, Eric Liddell says, “I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.”

That's exactly how I need to strive to write. As a Christian, I need to write for God. I need to write for God's pleasure—His smile. Just like Eric's running, my writing makes God smile. Your writing makes God smile. It's for Him I want to write, to sing, to do any of my random, two-week-lasting side hobbies. I dedicate my friendships to Him, as well as my stories, my music.

I dedicate this blog to the Lord.

This is the resolution of my December Dilemma. I hope to be dedicated in posting, probably mostly writing, MBTI, and Christianity (plus, you know, all those random little things related to none of the above, 'cause those are loads of fun as well.) I've got ideas for things like a series on the armor of God, book reviews, writing do's and don'ts... I'm excited. Very much. I plan to glorify God in all of this, from everything relating to Christianity and not.

Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation... ~ Isaiah 2:12'

...so whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. ~ 1 Corinthians 10:31

Enjoy. :)